


It's hard to believe

by 852_Prospect_Archivist



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: First Times, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 06:59:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/795189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/852_Prospect_Archivist/pseuds/852_Prospect_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Honesty is the best policy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's hard to believe

## It's hard to believe

by silvina

Author's website:  <http://www.learnlink.emory.edu/~sdelcul/index2.html>

Standard Disclaimer. Slightly more plot, same smut. We'll dedicate this one to the cat, just because. Please send comments, questions, compliments, and otters to sdelcul@yahoo.com.

* * *

Sure, Jim repressed things. Many things. Traumatic things. But otherwise, he was a pretty self-aware kind of guy. He knew his likes --white socks, philosophy, basketball-- and his dislikes --being late, dirt, people who played games. He knew who he was attracted to--red-haired women with long legs, and smart men with long legs. 

When Blair moved in with him--only for a week, man, I promise-- he had been up front about his sexuality with his new roommate. He was pretty sure Blair wouldn't care; he probably wouldn't even have noticed, but Jim was nothing if not up-front. 

It wasn't a problem until two years later, when Jim realized that he'd moved from the casual notice that blue was definitely Blair's color, and that those jeans put all of him on display rather nicely, to the abrupt knowledge that even if Blair woke up bald and pot-bellied tomorrow he would still be totally and completely in love with him. 

Embarrassed and feeling hugely awkward, Jim tried to explain to his best friend that he hadn't intended for anything to happen, but it had. And yes, part of him did wish that Blair would respond accordingly, meaning that among his harem of women he'd realized that he felt the same way. 

Unfortunately, it didn't happen that way. 

Jim was already embarrassed and blushing, and knew Blair was also embarrassed and blushing. He didn't know what to do either. He knew Jim well enough to know that he meant it, and it wouldn't just go away. He also knew that while he had occasionally checked out guys, Jim included, he wasn't ready either for a relationship or to cross that line, particularly with Jim. It was too much of a risk; too many lines to cross at once. 

"Jim? I love you for being honest; you know that, right? I do love you, but I'm just not looking for a relationship right now." 

Isn't that what you say to that fat girl who has a crush on you in junior high? "Um, sure, Chief." 

"We okay?" 

"Yeah. We're fine." 

And then Jim said something about getting to the station, and Blair agreed, adding that he'd be in around 11:30, and Jim figured that he might allow Blair to take him out to lunch, and Blair laughed, which must have been Jim's purpose because he laughed too. 

Everything was fine, right? But Blair was sitting in his office, supposedly listening to Ms. Karen Barnes explain why her paper was late while really playing over the morning in his head. He gave her an extension, more to shut her up than because she had a good excuse, but it served both their purposes well. He took Jim out for lunch and watched him closely for evidence of alien abduction, but other than a fascination with grease he could see no difference between the Jim of now and the Jim of before that morning. No difference at all. 

He didn't like that. Surely there had to be some emotional reaction to telling your best friend that you love him and not getting the response you wanted. Was he that easy to fall out of love with? What was Jim thinking, that love was that easy? Couldn't he see that while it was best that they not take that step, it was good for him to feel the way he said he did? Didn't he know that Blair didn't want him to be hurt, but he did want him to regret that nothing could happen between them? Didn't Jim know anything? 

Just because he wasn't ready to cross that line didn't mean he didn't love Jim back. He was just scared. Jim was supposed to- to - to do something, dammit. He wasn't supposed to just let it go. 

Sigh. It was time to go home and face Jim. Just Jim. 

* * *

"Traffic sucks," Jim thought. "Look at me, I used the word sucks. I'm not that old." He grinned at himself and turned to the passenger seat to tell Blair, then remembered Blair wasn't there. Blair wasn't there and he wasn't ready for a relationship. 

"Wait a minute. What exactly had he said? 'I do love you.'" 

He made a u-turn and headed towards Rainier. 

* * *

Blair pulled into his spot, fully expecting to see Jim's latest truck already in the spot next to his. It was empty. Surprisingly crushed, he wandered distractedly up the stairs and into the loft. Inside, nothing had changed. No romantic dinner, no soft music, no candles, all in all nothing one might use to seduce one's reluctant-but-not-unwilling partner into hot monkey sex. He'd thought this over, and while the thought of a relationship still terrified him, it didn't compare to the thought of not having Jim. 

* * *

From the parking lot he could see up towards Blair's office, and he extended his hearing along his sight to check if Blair was inside. Empty. He must have headed home already. Just where Jim needed to be, then. He met the pizza guy as he was about to get into the elevator and paid him. When he unlocked the door, Blair was sitting on the couch with a note pad and jumped when he walked in carrying the pizza. 

Together they choreographed dinner-- "Here are the rules, and you gotta agree to all of them, okay?" 

He nodded. Whatever Blair wanted. Except for anchovies on pizza. He could almost smell the little things at the pizza place. 

Just as he lifted a slice of pepperoni, green pepper, and onion pizza to his lips, Blair spoke. 

"We're having sex. This isn't a relationship, okay? If you-- I mean we-- find someone else, it doesn't change anything else, okay?" 

He swallowed. "But I'm not-" 

"Yes or no?" 

-in love with anyone else. "Yes." But you better not find someone else. 

"Second rule. You have to tell Naomi." 

"What? That's not fair." 

"Are you scared of my mother?" 

**"YES!"**

Blair snickered, and it broke his seriousness enough that Jim didn't mind in the slightest that he was being made fun of. Besides, Naomi was scary. She'd probably kick his Special-Ops-trained ass around the block if he hurt Blair. Perfect, actually, because it was rather hard to kick your own ass, which is what he'd do if he ever hurt Blair. 

"Deal?" 

"Deal. You can kiss me now." 

"Really?" 

"Rea-" 

He could taste the mushrooms on Blair's half of the pizza in his mouth, but even that didn't take away from the rightness of the kiss. 

He'd talk to Naomi, get the requisite 'hurt him and I'll kill you speech,' and not use the word 'relationship' around Blair until he was ready for it. Maybe in a couple of years. He smiled. Yeah. Maybe in a couple of years . . . 

* * *

End It's hard to believe by silvina: sdelcul@yahoo.com

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